Week 9

Psalm 16 1Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust. 2O my soul, thou hast said unto the LORD, Thou art my Lord: my goodness extendeth not to thee; 3But to the saints that are in the earth, and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight. 4Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names into my lips. 5The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. 6The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage. 7I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. 8I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 9Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. 10For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. 11Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.

For me to say that I am in a weird place is the understatement of the year. Last night, I was able to accept my current state and be glad in it. I met with the two other editors of the PCC Scroll to write the “Word of the Quarter.” They are both ministers and one of them is my pastor’s wife and a solid mother figure in my world. I had to confess to them that I needed them to lead the process because didn’t feel in tuned to what God was saying.

As the evening progress, I told them how disengaged I felt. I’m having a hard time engaging with people, which makes me sad. Relationships are so very important to me. It seemed like a direct contradiction to be in during my current state of withdrawal and retreat. I also explained to them that my weekly devotional process. They assured me that it was a normal part of the process. There are times when God “separates” us so we won’t get distracted and we can focus on Him and His voice. My main problem is that I get impatient with listening to God’s voice. When I am in conversation with friends, I get an immediate response. I would imagine a conversation where the other person took five minutes to respond to my question or comment very strange indeed. So, with my prayers, I say what I have to say, and then I stop and want God to speak the next second. Unfortunately for me, it hasn’t quite worked out that way.

I choose Psalm 16 because it is a Psalm of Hope. I will rest in the hope that this is only a season. I will rest in the hope that God is doing something in me that will make me a better friend, colleague, and overall citizen. I rest in the hope that He who has begun a good work in me will perform it. I rest in the hope that God hasn’t given up on me and is attempting to mature me. I rest in the hope that I will get over my feelings of discomfort and see the journey through. I rest in the hope that verse eleven will be fulfilled, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

My prayer today is that I will take the time to listen to the voice of God. If I can give a movie two hours of my time, I can give God more than five minutes to speak to me. I also pray that the relationships that concern me will be better and stronger. I pray that God will keep me in the fire, and I will adjust to the heat and become purified.