Week 17

Galatians 7 – 10
Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

I suppose things are going a little better. I believe I am tired of fighting myself. What I’m not sure of is whether this is a positive or negative statement.

I’m at the point where I want to go home and start diagramming a course of action. At the beginning of the year, I came up with some goals for the year. I need to put things on paper in black and white, and get my plan together.

Verse 9 of this scripture has always intrigued in. During my more immature period, I thought of God as a God of crime and punishment. As I write this, I know how ridiculous it sounds. Earlier in my walk, I would feel like I would do what I knew was right to do but then one sin or transgression would cause the wrath of heaven to rain down on me. This of course is not true. God has certainly shown me grace and mercy throughout the years. I am the one who knows all the deep, dark secrets and was there for the deep, dark deeds. Okay, that was dramatic, but you get my point.

What I realize is that I have the opportunity to do good each day. A good example is just smiling and saying hello to my neighbors each morning as I walk to the bus stop or wait for the bus. I will admit there have been a few moments where I have returned a smile from my neighbor with a blank who are you look. Not one of my finer moments, but the truth is the truth.

So, maybe I don’t need to go home and draw pictures and diagrams and outline a twelve step program. I grow tired of making lists that I don’t fulfill because they are not realistic. Maybe I need to start small like fining words to encourage and edify other people.

Lord, please help me to get over myself! Lord, please help me to decrease of myself, wants, dreams as I turn my ear to your plans and assignments for me.

Week 16

Psalm 51
1Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

Unfortunately, my funk from last week has not lifted! For my devotional today, I choose Psalm 51. I would like to focus on verse ten: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

My prayer is simply this scripture: Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

People always say that God works in mystery ways. I totally accept this. I do however believe that those mystery ways fall in line with his scripture. I can’t do things outside of scripture and call it God’s mystery ways. Shaking my head at humanity. I hate to be lied to. I hate to be used for people’s amusement or ego. With that said, I am reminded day after day that I need to get myself right. People can and will do what they want to do. As for me and my house…well, I am attempting to serve the Lord.

Week 15

Psalm 13
1How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? Forever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
2How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
3Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
6I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

At this moment, I am torn between being okay and being not okay.

I say that knowing I have a choice. I can choose to dwell on the negative or I can fight to contain my joy, peace, love, etc.

I’m in an internal struggle against my desire to want to react to life’s subtle attacks. If I a feel like I am being “attacked” my desire to “attack” back. So I am struggling with the issue of giving my problems over to Go and let him fight them for me.

When I prayed, I prayed a litany of things I am “tired of.” I know that God can take my rants and raves.

Sunday is church day. I know this even when I am traveling. I get out of bed and get ready almost out of routine behavior. Yesterday, I didn’t want to go to church. It was the oddest thing. I’ve never sat and contemplated not going to church. In the end, I went, and I am glad. I just had to just fight myself to get there.

I feel like I have been “stagnant” for a minute. Everything has been stable. Everything is the same.

Anyway, my faith says I will be okay. I trust in God and his mercy and his hand in my life.

Week 14

Psalm 1
1Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 2But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. 3And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. 4The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away. 5Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous. 6For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.

It feels like I am at the point of bringing forth my fruit. The huge caveat to this statement is not allowing fear, doubt, or self-protection get in the way. The other side of the huge caveat is not getting distracted by glittering objects that look like gold, but are really just that – distractions. These distractions often lead to some of event (or a series of unfortunate events) that sends one on an emotional rollercoaster – or as they say taking one step forward, and three steps back.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to free myself. A good example for this need is in my writing. I hold back a portion of myself because I don’t want to be vulnerable. A result of my childhood (and I can choose to take the barrier down) is that I am always prepared to defend myself. Part of this defense is not letting people all the way in. I am always prepared to flee and back away. With my writing, it’s holding back the part that would make me vulnerable to the reader.

As I mentioned last time, I am starting to see the person God created me to be, and I need to let her out. It starts with the writing. Part of me is starting to get nervous. I can see the pieces falling into place and that is a little bit nerve wrecking for me!

I choose Psalm 1 for my devotional. Part of my unfolding - or rising from the ashes to be dramatic - will be in keeping my relationship with God front and center in my life. It’s easy to make my job or relationships front and center, but everything now centers on God.

I read the first verse over and over again. The other part of my unfolding will be surrounded myself with people going in the right direction.

Volume X, Issue II - Word of the Quarter

It occurred to me that I have never shared any of the articles written by the editing team. We (there are three of us) meet once a quarter and talk about what our section should say. I then take our collective thoughts and write the “Word of the Quarter,” section. It’s a section that has taken me a little practice to get “right.” The problem is that I was trying to keep the voices of the other writers true. There in was the problem. The article had three voices, and it sounded disjointed. I’ve learned to just write the article in my voice, but incorporate their thoughts with my language. This issue’s section is called “High Places.”

The term high place is used frequently in the Bible. A high place was a raised altar or hilltop shrine. The ancient patriarchs and early prophets of Israel built high places such as Bethel, Shechem, and Gilgal to honor and worship God. It is believed that prophets and priests used these high places until around the ministry of Elijah and Elisha. As the Temple of Jerusalem became a central sanctuary, there was a movement against the use of high places, mainly because of their misuse.

When Israel entered into the Promised Land, God had commanded them to destroy the high places of the inhabitants (Read Numbers 33:50-53). God did not want Israel to have anything to do with the high places there. God knew they would corrupt Israel by their presence. However, Israel did not heed this word. Over time, the Israelites began combining the worship of God with pagan worship. High places became banned, and later prophets would associate them with idolatry, human sacrifice (including the sacrifice of children), and sexual immorality.

The Old Testament is littered with references to Israel’s high places and God’s anger regarding Israel’s refusal to tear them down. Psalm 78:58 reads, “For they provoked him to anger with their high places, and moved him to jealousy with their graven images.” 1 Kings 14:22-23 reads, “And Judah did evil in the sight of the LORD, and they provoked him to jealousy with their sins which they had committed, above all that their fathers had done. For they also built them high places, and images, and groves, on every high hill, and under every green tree.” Leviticus 26:30 reads, “And I will destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and cast your carcasses upon the carcasses of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you.” For more references, read Ezekiel 16 and 2 Kings 17. You can also reference the word in your concordance.

As we see from the Old Testament, the Israelites attempted to incorporate heathen worship with the worship of God. It is easy to be tempted to mix what is worldly into our Christianity out of compromise, but the Bible tells us not to conform to the world but to be transformed. Israel’s idolatry led to disobedience and sin. Because of disobedience and sin, Israel spent much of her time walking in circles, which is very similar to many of our walks today.

We associate the term high place with something that needs to be overcome or something to be fought against. High places are things we place before God. This quarter our question is simple: “What are the high places in your life?” Consider a high place to be anything you put before your commitment to God. A high place could be a job, school, relationship, or pleasure-seeking behavior. Our options are similar to the Israelites. We can move into the Promise Land and destroy our old way of living, or we can compromise and live in disobedience and sin.

Volume X, Issue II - Editor's Corner

This is the article I wrote for my church’s quarterly newsletter. It will be published April 3. My standing section is called "Editor's Corner." I called this submission "Judgment and Mercy." This newsletter makes Issue II of our tenth year!

Back in February 2010, I wrote about two things in my blog. One concerned the song “The High Place,” because it would not leave my mind. The part that kept running and running through my head was the line that says, “And the high places I’ll bring down.” When I prayed, I prayed against any high places that had been set up in my life and any strongholds I had allowed to take root in my spirit. I prayed against the sin in my life.

Around the same time, I began using the phrase Kyrie Eleison, which is Greek for “Lord have mercy,” in my prayers. The Bible talks about sowing with the wind and reaping with the whirlwind. I was very aware of things I had sown that I would have to reap one day. I prayed that the Lord would have mercy on me. It was around this time that the concepts of high places falling and God’s mercy fused together in my mind.

Here we are over a year later and things have a way of coming full circle. But, first let us go back to the end of 2009. Pastor asked us to fast once a week in 2010. On a side note, I am happy to say that I did it. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. It’s amazing how donuts, sandwiches, candy, and other treats miraculously appeared most of my fast days.

For 2011, the fast day has continued as a day of consecration. With the fast day comes intentional prayer and a devotional. During the prayer time, there have been moments I couldn’t even get out what I was trying to say. I believe that God knew what I was trying to say even if I couldn’t get it out right. One of the many things I appreciate about God is that He knows my heart even when I can’t get the words out.

I can’t think of the word to describe how my life has been since I began my day of devotion. Things have been sort of weird. On one hand, it seems like a constant battle has been raging. There is a part of me that is tired of the fight and wishes things would come easier and go smoother. It makes me wish the current season would pass. On the other hand, I am pretty laid back about the chaos and take it in stride. I desire to be in a new place where I can be a person who walks in God’s love with nothing separating me from Him, especially any spiritual high places.

Today my thoughts are pretty simple. I pray that God will have mercy on all of us. I pray for mercy in the face of God’s judgment and that we will allow Him to take the high places down.