Week 15

Psalm 13
1How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? Forever? How long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
2How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
3Consider and hear me, O LORD my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
4Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
5But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
6I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.

At this moment, I am torn between being okay and being not okay.

I say that knowing I have a choice. I can choose to dwell on the negative or I can fight to contain my joy, peace, love, etc.

I’m in an internal struggle against my desire to want to react to life’s subtle attacks. If I a feel like I am being “attacked” my desire to “attack” back. So I am struggling with the issue of giving my problems over to Go and let him fight them for me.

When I prayed, I prayed a litany of things I am “tired of.” I know that God can take my rants and raves.

Sunday is church day. I know this even when I am traveling. I get out of bed and get ready almost out of routine behavior. Yesterday, I didn’t want to go to church. It was the oddest thing. I’ve never sat and contemplated not going to church. In the end, I went, and I am glad. I just had to just fight myself to get there.

I feel like I have been “stagnant” for a minute. Everything has been stable. Everything is the same.

Anyway, my faith says I will be okay. I trust in God and his mercy and his hand in my life.