Psalm 16 1Preserve me, O God: for in thee do I put my trust. 2O my soul, thou hast said unto the LORD, Thou art my Lord: my goodness extendeth not to thee; 3But to the saints that are in the earth, and to the excellent, in whom is all my delight. 4Their sorrows shall be multiplied that hasten after another god: their drink offerings of blood will I not offer, nor take up their names into my lips. 5The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. 6The lines are fallen unto me in pleasant places; yea, I have a goodly heritage. 7I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons. 8I have set the LORD always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. 9Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. 10For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. 11Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.
For me to say that I am in a weird place is the understatement of the year. Last night, I was able to accept my current state and be glad in it. I met with the two other editors of the PCC Scroll to write the “Word of the Quarter.” They are both ministers and one of them is my pastor’s wife and a solid mother figure in my world. I had to confess to them that I needed them to lead the process because didn’t feel in tuned to what God was saying.
As the evening progress, I told them how disengaged I felt. I’m having a hard time engaging with people, which makes me sad. Relationships are so very important to me. It seemed like a direct contradiction to be in during my current state of withdrawal and retreat. I also explained to them that my weekly devotional process. They assured me that it was a normal part of the process. There are times when God “separates” us so we won’t get distracted and we can focus on Him and His voice. My main problem is that I get impatient with listening to God’s voice. When I am in conversation with friends, I get an immediate response. I would imagine a conversation where the other person took five minutes to respond to my question or comment very strange indeed. So, with my prayers, I say what I have to say, and then I stop and want God to speak the next second. Unfortunately for me, it hasn’t quite worked out that way.
I choose Psalm 16 because it is a Psalm of Hope. I will rest in the hope that this is only a season. I will rest in the hope that God is doing something in me that will make me a better friend, colleague, and overall citizen. I rest in the hope that He who has begun a good work in me will perform it. I rest in the hope that God hasn’t given up on me and is attempting to mature me. I rest in the hope that I will get over my feelings of discomfort and see the journey through. I rest in the hope that verse eleven will be fulfilled, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”
My prayer today is that I will take the time to listen to the voice of God. If I can give a movie two hours of my time, I can give God more than five minutes to speak to me. I also pray that the relationships that concern me will be better and stronger. I pray that God will keep me in the fire, and I will adjust to the heat and become purified.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Week 8
Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
I started the year off with wanting to be a “better person.” In my mind, I know what this means, but it isn’t easy to put it clearly on paper.
As I have been doing my weekly devotional day, I try to keep this in mind. In my day-to-day interaction with people, it’s hard dealing with folks sometimes. I have always considered myself a compassionate person. My temper, when it rises, deflates as quickly as it came. I try to be kind, but sometimes people mistake kindnesses for weakness and I have to battle the part of me that wants to body slam them. Humility, will if I say I am humble, then doesn’t that mean I am not. I try to be gentle and patient.
I keep deleting the next paragraph I am trying to write. Has someone every hurt you and you reacted to that hurt. Because you knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, you apologized at them for lashing out, but they remain “unrepentant” and seemingly unaware of their part of the problem? It’s like your apology to them is interpreted as they we were the one initially wronged? I find this so irritating, but God keeps telling me that I have done my part and to let it go. But I want to rage and ask when will their offense to me be dealt with? I hope that came out right.
Every since I started this process, things have been sort of weird. When I prayed yesterday during my fast, I couldn’t even get out what I was trying to say out. I believe that God knows what I am trying to say even if I can’t get it out right. One of the many things I appreciate about God is that he knows my heart even when I can’t get the words out.
I wish that this current season would pass, but I know the process is trying to get me to a new place where I can be a person who walks in God’s love.
I started the year off with wanting to be a “better person.” In my mind, I know what this means, but it isn’t easy to put it clearly on paper.
As I have been doing my weekly devotional day, I try to keep this in mind. In my day-to-day interaction with people, it’s hard dealing with folks sometimes. I have always considered myself a compassionate person. My temper, when it rises, deflates as quickly as it came. I try to be kind, but sometimes people mistake kindnesses for weakness and I have to battle the part of me that wants to body slam them. Humility, will if I say I am humble, then doesn’t that mean I am not. I try to be gentle and patient.
I keep deleting the next paragraph I am trying to write. Has someone every hurt you and you reacted to that hurt. Because you knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, you apologized at them for lashing out, but they remain “unrepentant” and seemingly unaware of their part of the problem? It’s like your apology to them is interpreted as they we were the one initially wronged? I find this so irritating, but God keeps telling me that I have done my part and to let it go. But I want to rage and ask when will their offense to me be dealt with? I hope that came out right.
Every since I started this process, things have been sort of weird. When I prayed yesterday during my fast, I couldn’t even get out what I was trying to say out. I believe that God knows what I am trying to say even if I can’t get it out right. One of the many things I appreciate about God is that he knows my heart even when I can’t get the words out.
I wish that this current season would pass, but I know the process is trying to get me to a new place where I can be a person who walks in God’s love.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Week 7
For week seven, I read 1 Corinthians 13 which was fitting considering Valentine’s Day was yesterday. I like this scripture because it tells me what love is.
As I was thinking about the scripture, I remembered two things from my past that involved the same person. He was a friend of mine. Our friendship was reaching its end point, and I was emotionally exhausted after so many ups and downs in our friendship.
We were in a heavy conversation, and he told me he loved me. I remember blurting out, “No you don’t.” Of course, he was offended and got angry. But, the truth was that based on his actions, I knew that he did not love me. He was not kind. He was not humble. He was not consideration. He did not give.
Towards the very end, he told me he loved me. I was silent, and he asked me if I had heard him, and said yes. Then, he got frustrated of course.
Love is an action. It doesn’t put me down or put me in my place. It doesn’t hurt or belittle me. It isn’t threatened by my success or accomplishments. It doesn’t take advantage of my emotions or attachment.
I am very careful who I tell I love them. I have had people tell me they love me and then walk at the slightest provocation. That is not the type of love I want to receive or give. I think it’s so important to tell the people who you love that you love them. I think it’s equally as an important to understand what that means and mean it.
I think back to people I have loved, but my love wasn’t mature, which is unfortunate. There is a maturity that is needed to manifest the love described in verses 4-8. I just pray I get there!
As I was thinking about the scripture, I remembered two things from my past that involved the same person. He was a friend of mine. Our friendship was reaching its end point, and I was emotionally exhausted after so many ups and downs in our friendship.
We were in a heavy conversation, and he told me he loved me. I remember blurting out, “No you don’t.” Of course, he was offended and got angry. But, the truth was that based on his actions, I knew that he did not love me. He was not kind. He was not humble. He was not consideration. He did not give.
Towards the very end, he told me he loved me. I was silent, and he asked me if I had heard him, and said yes. Then, he got frustrated of course.
Love is an action. It doesn’t put me down or put me in my place. It doesn’t hurt or belittle me. It isn’t threatened by my success or accomplishments. It doesn’t take advantage of my emotions or attachment.
I am very careful who I tell I love them. I have had people tell me they love me and then walk at the slightest provocation. That is not the type of love I want to receive or give. I think it’s so important to tell the people who you love that you love them. I think it’s equally as an important to understand what that means and mean it.
I think back to people I have loved, but my love wasn’t mature, which is unfortunate. There is a maturity that is needed to manifest the love described in verses 4-8. I just pray I get there!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Week 6
Psalm 34:13-14 reads, “Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.”
I can’t think of the word to describe how my life has been since I began my day of consecration each week. On one hand, it’s seems like a constant battle has been raging. On the other hand, I am pretty laid back about the current chaos. I guess I expected it.
I am determined to seek peace and pursue it. I can’t allow myself to be lured into conversations and situations that are more damaging than edifying – no matter how attractive the package looks.
There are times when my imagination takes off, and I find that I am losing interest in some situations I was hung up on in the past. Whatever attraction I felt in the past, seems to be waning, which is actually a good thing. Part of it is that I am removing my rose-colored glasses with people. This is actually good because it frees them from the pedestal I placed them on. They become human, which is all they really were anyway. The romantic twist and pull ends, and it’s easier to make a rational decision without the emotions interfering.
I do wonder how one can remain silent in a relationship. If my goal is keep my tongue from evil and by lips from speaking guile, then I suppose I have to be intentional on whom I seek relationship and conversation with.
I have to admit that my thoughts are all over the place. I have serious questions about where I am supposed to be. Who am I supposed to be in relationship with? It hurts to see and feel relationships change and involve. And my question remains of whether I am supposed to fight to retain or just simply let life and time alter them?
There is an old song with following lyrics:
“Oh lord I want you to help me
Oh lord I want you to help me
help me on my journey, help me on my way
Oh lord I want you to help me”
This is how I feel, but I am not sure what to pray for.
I can’t think of the word to describe how my life has been since I began my day of consecration each week. On one hand, it’s seems like a constant battle has been raging. On the other hand, I am pretty laid back about the current chaos. I guess I expected it.
I am determined to seek peace and pursue it. I can’t allow myself to be lured into conversations and situations that are more damaging than edifying – no matter how attractive the package looks.
There are times when my imagination takes off, and I find that I am losing interest in some situations I was hung up on in the past. Whatever attraction I felt in the past, seems to be waning, which is actually a good thing. Part of it is that I am removing my rose-colored glasses with people. This is actually good because it frees them from the pedestal I placed them on. They become human, which is all they really were anyway. The romantic twist and pull ends, and it’s easier to make a rational decision without the emotions interfering.
I do wonder how one can remain silent in a relationship. If my goal is keep my tongue from evil and by lips from speaking guile, then I suppose I have to be intentional on whom I seek relationship and conversation with.
I have to admit that my thoughts are all over the place. I have serious questions about where I am supposed to be. Who am I supposed to be in relationship with? It hurts to see and feel relationships change and involve. And my question remains of whether I am supposed to fight to retain or just simply let life and time alter them?
There is an old song with following lyrics:
“Oh lord I want you to help me
Oh lord I want you to help me
help me on my journey, help me on my way
Oh lord I want you to help me”
This is how I feel, but I am not sure what to pray for.
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