Despite my claims of being an introvert, loner, shy girl, there are times when I realize this statement is not true. Or maybe I’m just becoming more of an extrovert As Time Goes On. Or maybe they are “on” moments in time because there are times when something shines so brightly within me that I feel it.
I make friends on busses and airplane. Lately, it’s been older women, and I try to ask them the same questions: Are you happy? What is one thing you wish had done? What is your biggest regret?
I’m not quite sure why I am so interested or what I plan on doing with this info. I have a firm desire to be “happy”. Not saying life is all mountain-top experience but isn’t it possible to have joy even during the darkest hours?
So to my reader(s) (I know I have at least one, thanks Liza): Are you happy?
Friday, May 29, 2009
Technology
Technology is quite the interesting thing.
I was on Facebook, and I was able to chat with my friend Yamini who is in India. She was waking up, and I am a few hours from turning in.
I wonder what Henry VIII or Elizabeth I would have thought of all of this. Could our ancestors have imagined how far technology has advanced? What’s next?!
I was on Facebook, and I was able to chat with my friend Yamini who is in India. She was waking up, and I am a few hours from turning in.
I wonder what Henry VIII or Elizabeth I would have thought of all of this. Could our ancestors have imagined how far technology has advanced? What’s next?!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
LTB Unplugged
I’ve been feeling a little off kilter lately. I wasn’t able to pinpoint an actual emotion until a week ago. I was walking home when I realized what I was feeling. It can basically be summed up in one word: RESTLESS. To be perfectly honest, this is not a new emotion for me, but most days I am able to suppress it. I often wonder if I am suppressing who I am. I know I often suppress what I desire.
One of my weaknesses is that I am able to place emotions in compartments. This is good and bad. For example, I am single thus I am supposed to be abstinent. Any desires I feel to the contrary I am good at putting into a box and putting it on a shelf. That is 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time- not so much.
In a way, I feel like I spend time denying who I am to be someone I am supposed to be?
There are times when I feel like my life can go down two different roads. One road involves getting married and settling down with a kid or two. This is the road most traveled and some ways what is actually expected of me. It’s what I expected of myself. The biggest question I have had surrounding this desire is that I could never figure out if it was actually something I wanted or something I was told I was to have. Like we are all supposed to get educated, get married, buy a house, and have 2.1 children. We are supposed to work nine to five until we are in our sixties and then retire.
The other road, which winning the lotto would be a clear sign this is the road for me would involve quitting my job, paying the condo off, finding a house sitter and traveling for a year or two or three. I would be a nomad. If I were to be perfectly honest, I am surprised I have been planted for so long. But I have family and I have a community and I do have a responsibility to that. Don’t get me wrong, Seattle is home. I have always felt this. This is where my family is, the family I have created and chosen.
This is me unplugged and honest.
One of my weaknesses is that I am able to place emotions in compartments. This is good and bad. For example, I am single thus I am supposed to be abstinent. Any desires I feel to the contrary I am good at putting into a box and putting it on a shelf. That is 99% of the time. The other 1% of the time- not so much.
In a way, I feel like I spend time denying who I am to be someone I am supposed to be?
There are times when I feel like my life can go down two different roads. One road involves getting married and settling down with a kid or two. This is the road most traveled and some ways what is actually expected of me. It’s what I expected of myself. The biggest question I have had surrounding this desire is that I could never figure out if it was actually something I wanted or something I was told I was to have. Like we are all supposed to get educated, get married, buy a house, and have 2.1 children. We are supposed to work nine to five until we are in our sixties and then retire.
The other road, which winning the lotto would be a clear sign this is the road for me would involve quitting my job, paying the condo off, finding a house sitter and traveling for a year or two or three. I would be a nomad. If I were to be perfectly honest, I am surprised I have been planted for so long. But I have family and I have a community and I do have a responsibility to that. Don’t get me wrong, Seattle is home. I have always felt this. This is where my family is, the family I have created and chosen.
This is me unplugged and honest.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Is Any One Listening?
At work today, I was doing data entry. For background noise, I was playing music videos via You Tube to pass the time. I played three oldie but goodie Guns N’ Roses songs back-to-back: Don’t Cry, Estranged, and November Rain.
To back up, there have been times when I have reflected on my youth and realized how much I did not understand. For example:
· I didn’t understand what Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet REALLY meant
· I didn’t know what oral sex was until late high school
· I didn’t understand the meaning of the songs I sang in elementary music class
o Blowing In the Wind
o The Sound of Silence
o I Wish We’d All Been Ready
As I caught glimpses of the videos above mentioned my interpretation of what I saw from an adult view point made me think who was monitoring what I was watching.
Axl Rose is certainly a very passionate and strong voice BUT the theme of suicide, death, rage, violence, mental instability, etc. really stood out in a way I never noticed before.
I feel this way when I listen to lyrics of the songs I grew up with. For example, LISTEN to the lyrics of In a Darkened Room by Skid Row. What do the lyrics of Quicksand Jesus mean? I could go on and on.
Writing is a beautiful way to release emotions and demons. It seems like people are crying out, and I have to ask is anyone listening. I am a bleeding-heart liberal in that I want to know the cause of an action. What makes someone walk in a building and begin shooting? I want to know what happened because they are obviously damaged.
I just wonder what I am not listening to.
To back up, there have been times when I have reflected on my youth and realized how much I did not understand. For example:
· I didn’t understand what Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet REALLY meant
· I didn’t know what oral sex was until late high school
· I didn’t understand the meaning of the songs I sang in elementary music class
o Blowing In the Wind
o The Sound of Silence
o I Wish We’d All Been Ready
As I caught glimpses of the videos above mentioned my interpretation of what I saw from an adult view point made me think who was monitoring what I was watching.
Axl Rose is certainly a very passionate and strong voice BUT the theme of suicide, death, rage, violence, mental instability, etc. really stood out in a way I never noticed before.
I feel this way when I listen to lyrics of the songs I grew up with. For example, LISTEN to the lyrics of In a Darkened Room by Skid Row. What do the lyrics of Quicksand Jesus mean? I could go on and on.
Writing is a beautiful way to release emotions and demons. It seems like people are crying out, and I have to ask is anyone listening. I am a bleeding-heart liberal in that I want to know the cause of an action. What makes someone walk in a building and begin shooting? I want to know what happened because they are obviously damaged.
I just wonder what I am not listening to.
Die Gedanken sind frei
I took German in high school. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the language. This is true for Swahili, which I took in college.
However, I have remembered parts of a song I learned either my sophomore or junior year in high school. I can especially remember singing the first lines. The song goes:
Die Gedanken sind frei, wer kann sie erraten,
sie fliegen vorbei wie nächtliche Schatten.
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen, kein Jäger erschießen
mit Pulver und Blei, Die Gedanken sind frei!
Translation according to Wikipedea (I know, I know):
Thoughts are free, who can guess them?
They flee by like nocturnal shadows.
No man can know them, no hunter can shoot them,
with powder and lead: Thoughts are free!
According to my memory the first two lines are:
My thoughts are free, no one can erase them
They past by like night shadows
I have always wondered why I have remembered this. The lyrics of course are poetic.
Here is the song in German and English:
Die Gedanken sind frei, wer kann sie erraten,
sie fliegen vorbei wie nächtliche Schatten.
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen, kein Jäger erschießen
mit Pulver und Blei, Die Gedanken sind frei!
Ich denke was ich will und was mich beglücket,
doch alles in der Still', und wie es sich schicket.
Mein Wunsch und Begehren kann niemand mir wehren,
es bleibet dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!
Und sperrt man mich ein im finsteren Kerker,
das alles sind rein vergebliche Werke.
Denn meine Gedanken zerreißen die Schranken
und Mauern entzwei, die Gedanken sind frei!
Drum will ich auf immer den Sorgen absagen
und will mich auch nimmer mit Grillen mehr plagen.
Man kann ja im Herzen stets lachen und scherzen
und denken dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!
Ich liebe den Wein, mein Mädchen vor allen,
sie tut mir allein am besten gefallen.
Ich sitz nicht alleine bei einem Glas Weine,
mein Mädchen dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei! Thoughts are free, who can guess them?
They flee by like nocturnal shadows.
No man can know them, no hunter can shoot them,
with powder and lead: Thoughts are free!
I think what I want, and what delights me,
still always reticent, and as it is suitable.
My wish and desire, no one can deny me
and so it will always be: Thoughts are free!
And if I am thrown into the darkest dungeon,
all this would be futile work,
because my thoughts tear all gates
and walls apart. Thoughts are free!
So I will renounce my sorrows forever,
and never again will torture myself with some fancy ideas.
In one's heart, one can always laugh and joke
and think at the same time: Thoughts are free!
I love wine, and my girl even more,
Only I like her best of all.
I'm not alone with my glass of wine,
my girl is with me: Thoughts are free!
P.S. I still have no idea of what I want I want to do about Wales!
However, I have remembered parts of a song I learned either my sophomore or junior year in high school. I can especially remember singing the first lines. The song goes:
Die Gedanken sind frei, wer kann sie erraten,
sie fliegen vorbei wie nächtliche Schatten.
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen, kein Jäger erschießen
mit Pulver und Blei, Die Gedanken sind frei!
Translation according to Wikipedea (I know, I know):
Thoughts are free, who can guess them?
They flee by like nocturnal shadows.
No man can know them, no hunter can shoot them,
with powder and lead: Thoughts are free!
According to my memory the first two lines are:
My thoughts are free, no one can erase them
They past by like night shadows
I have always wondered why I have remembered this. The lyrics of course are poetic.
Here is the song in German and English:
Die Gedanken sind frei, wer kann sie erraten,
sie fliegen vorbei wie nächtliche Schatten.
Kein Mensch kann sie wissen, kein Jäger erschießen
mit Pulver und Blei, Die Gedanken sind frei!
Ich denke was ich will und was mich beglücket,
doch alles in der Still', und wie es sich schicket.
Mein Wunsch und Begehren kann niemand mir wehren,
es bleibet dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!
Und sperrt man mich ein im finsteren Kerker,
das alles sind rein vergebliche Werke.
Denn meine Gedanken zerreißen die Schranken
und Mauern entzwei, die Gedanken sind frei!
Drum will ich auf immer den Sorgen absagen
und will mich auch nimmer mit Grillen mehr plagen.
Man kann ja im Herzen stets lachen und scherzen
und denken dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei!
Ich liebe den Wein, mein Mädchen vor allen,
sie tut mir allein am besten gefallen.
Ich sitz nicht alleine bei einem Glas Weine,
mein Mädchen dabei: Die Gedanken sind frei! Thoughts are free, who can guess them?
They flee by like nocturnal shadows.
No man can know them, no hunter can shoot them,
with powder and lead: Thoughts are free!
I think what I want, and what delights me,
still always reticent, and as it is suitable.
My wish and desire, no one can deny me
and so it will always be: Thoughts are free!
And if I am thrown into the darkest dungeon,
all this would be futile work,
because my thoughts tear all gates
and walls apart. Thoughts are free!
So I will renounce my sorrows forever,
and never again will torture myself with some fancy ideas.
In one's heart, one can always laugh and joke
and think at the same time: Thoughts are free!
I love wine, and my girl even more,
Only I like her best of all.
I'm not alone with my glass of wine,
my girl is with me: Thoughts are free!
P.S. I still have no idea of what I want I want to do about Wales!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
To Wales or not to Wales, that is the question!
To Wales or not to Wales, that is the question!
As part of my vacation I am planning on spending two nights in Wales. I literally land in London and head over to Wales. The main issue is that I arrive on a Sunday, which means that trains are running less often. Then on Monday, when I will do my touring, some things I want to see are closed. I could do them Tuesday moving heading on to Edinburgh.
Part of me desires to just stay in London and do Wales in another trip.
I’m actually having a hard time making a choice, which is ironic since my last post was about making a decision and keeping it.
What I realize is that this choice will impact who I come into contact with. My locale will impact those whose paths I will cross and the people I will meet.
So, to Wales or not to Wales?
As part of my vacation I am planning on spending two nights in Wales. I literally land in London and head over to Wales. The main issue is that I arrive on a Sunday, which means that trains are running less often. Then on Monday, when I will do my touring, some things I want to see are closed. I could do them Tuesday moving heading on to Edinburgh.
Part of me desires to just stay in London and do Wales in another trip.
I’m actually having a hard time making a choice, which is ironic since my last post was about making a decision and keeping it.
What I realize is that this choice will impact who I come into contact with. My locale will impact those whose paths I will cross and the people I will meet.
So, to Wales or not to Wales?
Choices
Sometimes, I catch the number 43 bus home. It’s a five-minute longer, more scenic route than my normal, more direct number 11, which tends to run late.
There is such a thing as Murphy’s Law. If I catch the 43, the 11 will be on time. If I don’t catch the 43 the 11 will be later than normally. As they say, I can’t win for losing.
When I catch the 43, I am constantly looking back to see if the 11 is behind me. I wonder if I made the right decision. If I see the 11 behind me, should I slip off and change buses (and then have to stand because all of the seats are taken)?
I have three bus stops, where the 43 and 11 are on the same path, to contemplate this. After that, the buses veer to different routes. I am committed to my choice.
This happened last night and it got me thinking about life and choices. Once a decision has been made should I not just look forward to what is ahead of me. In life, one can spend a lot of valuable time looking back and regretting the choices made or one could just simply believe they are where they should be at that given time and life with the choices and learn from them.
That is the angle I am taking today. It did occur to me I could talk about waiting for the right, more direct bust instead of getting on a route just because it’s there and convenient. Why would I want to take a longer route? Sometimes, I just want to be away from downtown or on my way or out of the rain.
Yes, good and bad, I am on a journey and I can’t regret the directions I have gone.
There is such a thing as Murphy’s Law. If I catch the 43, the 11 will be on time. If I don’t catch the 43 the 11 will be later than normally. As they say, I can’t win for losing.
When I catch the 43, I am constantly looking back to see if the 11 is behind me. I wonder if I made the right decision. If I see the 11 behind me, should I slip off and change buses (and then have to stand because all of the seats are taken)?
I have three bus stops, where the 43 and 11 are on the same path, to contemplate this. After that, the buses veer to different routes. I am committed to my choice.
This happened last night and it got me thinking about life and choices. Once a decision has been made should I not just look forward to what is ahead of me. In life, one can spend a lot of valuable time looking back and regretting the choices made or one could just simply believe they are where they should be at that given time and life with the choices and learn from them.
That is the angle I am taking today. It did occur to me I could talk about waiting for the right, more direct bust instead of getting on a route just because it’s there and convenient. Why would I want to take a longer route? Sometimes, I just want to be away from downtown or on my way or out of the rain.
Yes, good and bad, I am on a journey and I can’t regret the directions I have gone.
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