It’s been a rough couple of weeks. I keep trying to adjust my attitude around it all. This is especially true for things that won’t matter in a year, or a month for that matter. I do think it is okay for me to be honest about things I’m not happy with or are not working for me. The caveat is that I have to do something about it! This is normally the challenge.
My ability to contain myself and “hold things inside” is both a curse and blessing. It’s good when I can control myself it difficult situations. It’s bad when there is an eruption. I can feel it coming.
When I truly think about it, the things that are currently getting to me won’t and don’t matter in the overall scheme of life. If I look at my problems and issues, they seem trite and silly when I look around at what is going on. I have an ex-worker who is starting chemotherapy today. His attitude and optimistic on his condition are incredible. This is a serious problem and one that he could easily and understandably scream his frustration to the world about it. He doesn’t. Yet, I will scream, yell, and fuss about situations that seem petty.
With my intellect, I truly understand how blessed I am. The spoiled, petulant little girl inside of me often loses focus on it!
I have much to be thankful for!
1 comment:
Reading this reminds me of the reason I went into therapy! We were at a time in our marriage where I thought, "If Joe could be fixed, things would be fine in our home!" (fixed as in more perfect) Well, he went to therapy and started getting better and guess what? Things were not "all better"! The kids still knew how to push my most sensitive buttons and I was still flying off the handle screaming at them. I wanted to be a loving, patient mother, but every time I turned around, I was yelling at them. Since that time, I've seen great value in reaching out to others who understand me, people who can share their experience in dealing well with my same issues. Now, when I feel like I'm about to explode, I have tools to help me: I separate myself from the stress for a time, give myself time to think and feel, call a friend, read literature that gives me ideas of how to deal with my stress, journal, cry, go for a walk, take a nap, pray, breath deep.... I still yell at my kids, but it's not nearly as much as it used to be and I now have the ability to see the stress and ask, "what is needed from me?" and work at doing that and only that. The funny thing about kids is that they usually get stressful when their needs are not being met and if I ask them, "what do you want?" and I can help them with that, things get MUCH better in a hurry! (I think adults are pretty much the same.)
Another thing that has helped me is to see stress as not being a personal attack. Growing up dysfunctional, I tend to see kids yelling and fighting the same as my mother yelling and hitting me. So my reaction tends to be one of self preservation. It's really hard to behave like the adult in a situation when you have suddenly been transported back to your childhood and feeling that same intense fear and stress you felt as a child! Therapy has helped me to work through those feelings from childhood, but also to see my children as children who need guidance from me. Like I said above, I still need to separate myself from them, at times, so I can have a good cry or just calm down because those old feelings are coming up again. But then I can go back to the kids and be the adult and treat them fairly and appropriately.
I have no idea what stress you are under now, but I fully understand the idea of wanting to behave better and not being able to. At least, on my own, I was not able to get better results. It really hinged on my getting out around other people in therapy and hearing good supportive ideas from them and feeling encouraged to do better. And I had to make the commitment to regularly "get out". It's way too easy to sit at home and wish for something better! I've been there! Trust me, it won't get better sitting at home!
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