Staying Off the Ledge

This was written for my church newsletter. Volume VIII, Issue III of The PCC Scroll

A few weeks ago, I was on the ledge. I sent Pastor a text that simply said, “I need to make some changes.”

I had been feeling a bit off kilter. In early May, I was able to pinpoint an actual emotion. I was walking home one day when I realized what I was feeling. It could be summed up in one word: restless.

Once I defined the emotion, I blogged (http://latonja.blogspot.com/) about the feeling. In my blog, I was honest. I said that it was not a new emotion for me, but I was able to suppress the feeling most days. I went on to speak of the different directions my life could head in as I reach a crossroads in my life.

I turned 35 in March, and I am having “What is it all about?” moments. It is like Solomon seeking the meaning of life in Ecclesiastes 2. I too felt like I was chasing the wind. We had a windstorm a few days back, and I was not able to catch it. In chapter two, Solomon reminds us that a life seeking pleasure and riches is meaningless. The cure to my restlessness was not traveling, a new job, a new degree, or any other item on my newest “To Do” list.

When the editing team came together to write the Word of the Quarter, I mentioned my sense of restlessness and mused about what it could represent. Minister Jo Ann gave me an image that has helped. She spoke of a mother bird rustling the nest to coax her baby, which had gotten too comfortable, out of the nest and onto the next stage of its life.

The cure to my restlessness is to get over myself and serve God and others in a new way. I have gotten comfortable, fat, and lazy. I am used to doing things in my own time and way.

The truth is that in our humanity, we all struggle with something. At some points in our lives, we all fight battles. At times, we may even feel like we are being overtaken, and I think admitting to these feelings is necessary. In his book The Wounded Healer, Henri J. Nouwen speaks of ministers making their own wounds available as a source of healing. It is in that realness we can be authentic to a world that is suffering.

As I get older, I am more comfortable with being unplugged, honest and transparent. As we minister to broken people, our truth (good, bad, and ugly) coupled with the Good News of Jesus Christ and love will be the most authentic gift we can offer. It is in service to God and our fellow man that life takes shape and gains meaning.