Spiritual Remodel

I’m currently remodeling my condominium. For over a month, I have been living out of boxes. My life and existence seem extremely chaotic right now. I was bemoaning my current existence when it occurred to me how long I comfortably lived in spiritual and mental disorder and chaos.

I began musing on spiritual remodeling. When we accept Christ in our life, we become a new creation, and we are in a constant state of “remodeling.” During this adventure, I have learned that there are standard items that can be bought directly from the store because they fit most homes. Then, there are items that are unique to my home. These items are customized and need to be specially ordered, which takes longer.

I began the project by seeking wise counsel Like Esther, who is featured in this issue, sought the counsel of Mordecai. I sought the counsel of those who knew about remodeling a home. The next step was to work on the timing or schedule for each project. I knew painting would be messy. It seemed like the logical place to start. If my carpet was replaced before painting, I would end up blemishing my new, wood floors.

Painting was easy enough. Although my walls were dirty, I didn’t have to clean them before painting them. When I applied paint to the wall, all traces of the dirt was gone. As we learned in the last issue, the paint covered my walls in the Hebrew word kaphar meaning of the word cover. This means “to cover, appease, pacify, pardon, reconcile, cancel, purge away.” The word translates as “make atonement.”

The other projects will be harder. My old, dirty carpet will need to be ripped up. Not only is this physically demanding, but there were tasks that needed to be completed before the carpet can be removed.

I had to pack all my books and belongings to make them mobile. It was a step I couldn’t get around. During this process, I took the time to really go through my belongings. I was able to purge myself of items that no longer fit my personal style for today and would not fit in my new remodeled home.

In the course of taking an inventory of my life, I found some items I thought I had lost. Some things dropped between the cracks. Other items were just filed in the wrong place. Other items I no longer needed, but I could not bring myself to let them go. Other items I just put away and never dealt with. This exercise served as a good method to do away with the old and make room for the new. Because I have a new color scheme, some of my old things just don’t match anymore.

The project is at the point where I can visually picture the finished project, and it looks good! The energy and resources that are being exerted will increase the value of my home. Each step brings out more and more of the potential that was always there. There are times when I wish I could picture myself as the finished project God has imagined, but perhaps I would spend too much time admiring the finished picture that I wouldn’t do the work to bring it from the spiritual into the natural.

None of us are finished projects. We are all uniquely designed, and God has customized specifications for our blueprints. This Season is a time where the vision for my life is becoming clearer.

I look forward to watching the potential in each of us emerge as we are being spiritually remodeled.

Who am I at War With?

Psalm 62 is one of my favorite Psalms. But, how does one make the leap from verse two to verse six?

Verse two reads, “He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved.” Verse six reads, “He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved.”

I can only imagine the state of my world if I were not moved by work, relationships, feelings, my drama, and my seemingly unshakeable pattern of flirting with dangerous / unhealthy situations.

There are situations where I honestly feel I have the “right” to feel bitterness, hatred, anger, disillusionment, and animosity. I have to remind myself that is not the point.

There are times when I am on top of the world. Verse six is within my reach, but here comes life. I come tumbling down the mountain and into the valley.

Recently, Minister Terry spoke from the topic “Do you know what you are fighting for?” As I listened to the message, I jotted down some thoughts.

There are times I feel as if I am at war. I am at war with situations, and I am at war with people.

In truth, I am at war. I’m just not exerting my energy towards the correct enemy.

I end up fighting the situations. I end up fighting the people. I end up exhausting myself.

Because I never fight the real enemy, I never fight the real issues.

I end up not acknowledging or following the war plan. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

We are at war together fighting a common enemy. What sense does it make that we fight each other? Wouldn’t it make more sense to stand together as brothers and sisters in Christ and fight the real enemy?

As we enter the last months of 2007, I invite us all to take an inventory of what is moving us. What is our attention focused on? What is causing us stress, worry, and anxiety?

Who we are fighting? Who are we fighting with? What exactly are we fighting for?

The battle plans are drawn out. All you have to do is prepare for your position.

Reflections On India

I feel as if I am going to implode at any second.

I went to India for a month this summer for vacation.

I saw beautiful monuments like the Taj Mahal. I saw beautiful countryside in the north and the south. I ate delicious food. I met wonderful people.

I saw some not so good things. My heart hurt when I saw kids working in fields when they should have been in school. I was deeply disturbed to see families living in tents with no electricity or running water.

While I was there, I was praying, hoping, and waiting for a deep revelation about life. It never came.

While I was there, I was waiting for God “to come and get me”. (In order to fully understand and appreciate this statement, you needed to have been at a past leadership training on Sunday morning.) He didn’t come.

Then I came back to Seattle. I went from the mountain top to some deep valley.

Since I’ve been back, I’ve been a little down. In truth, I’ve been a lot down. I know, I know, saints of the highest God should never be down. Jeremiah lamented. I lament.

I’ve been asked by coworkers and friends for pictures and stories. I haven’t felt like sharing anything. In truth, I haven’t felt like engaging back into normal life. My only high point since being back in the U.S. was a trip to Los Angeles during Labor Day weekend. It would appear that the minute I enter work or church, I close in.

Since I’m one to fester, I’ve been thinking about how I feel. I haven’t taken any steps to stop feeling this way. I am just thinking about it. I’m wondering why do I feel this way? Is this normal?

When I was in India, I felt like I was a stranger in a strange land. Now that I’m home, I feel like I’m a stranger in a strange land.

Have I been traumatized by the trip? Perhaps. I can’t identify any particular “event” though.

I have been drawn to the story of Joseph. Is there a life lesson lurking in the story? I’ve been thinking and searching for parallels. Nothing.

It would appear that I’m having a hard time placing the person who returned from India in the life of the person who left for India.

When I was in India, I was the person with affluence. I never did adjust to that. When I was in India, it was best to not engage with women and children asking for money. A more direct translation would be it was better to ignore them. In my need to be seen, it was heartbreaking to not see people.

I kept thinking about justice. I kept thinking about grace. I kept thinking about mercy. Who am I that I was born in a developed country? Who am I that I was able to attend a university? Who am I that I have a decent job with a decent home?

For $160, I can pay for a child’s tuition, uniform, and text books in India. What will I do with this information?

If salvation is the Word becoming Flesh and dwelling among people, how does that happen?

How does one pass through feelings of inadequacy and self doubt and make an impact?

How does light shine through darkness? How does peace give rest? How does love give light?

When faced with great injustice and evil, what will I do?

When I was in India, I had questions without answers. Now, I have no answers. I only have more questions. Everything it seems is in direct contradiction. I think I’m okay with that.

“...How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer...”

Quote from The Two Towers.