Week 26

Believe it or not, this is week 26, AKA halfway through the year!

Psalm 91
1He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.
3Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.
4He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
5Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;
6Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.
7A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
8Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
9Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
10There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
11For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.
12They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
13Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.
14Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.
15He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
16With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

I have once again fallen behind on blogging! I did my day of devotion on Monday, but alas, I am now just getting around to writing about it. I should make more of an effort to blog on the day itself as my thoughts surrounding it are more acute.

But, the reason for my tardiness is acceptable to me. I’ve been putting my efforts into finalizing my church newsletter! It will come out Sunday, and I am excited for it. When it comes to ministry, writing, editing, and laying out the newsletter is something that gives me true joy. No matter what my state of mind is, working on the newsletter adds a satisfaction and joy that outshines any other emotion.

This is not true with ushering. I am actually a great usher when I am “myself.” I am attentive. I enjoy serving people. I understand the procedure. However, every once in a while I will have an off ushering day. My point is that ushering doesn’t draw me out of myself the way writing does. LOL!

Verse one of chapter 91 has always been one of my favorite scriptures. The whole chapter reminds me that God will protect me. I can see the evidence of this protection all around. As a woman who lives alone, I rely on the Hand of God to keep me and my home safe. I have woken up countless times to discover that my door was unlocked all night. Yes, I live in a secured building, but I don’t rely on that. I rely on God’s protection. When I hear things bump in the night, I start praying to my refuge and fortress!

When I travel alone in foreign countries, I feel safe. I have friends who have traveled alone and been harassed, followed, and one was molested. Yes, I have some “street smarts” but it has not been the street smarts that have protected me. It has been the Hand of God and the prayers of my family and friends.

This scripture reminds me to me thankful and mindful of the blessings and protections. So, my prayer is simply one of thanks! It is a prayer that I don’t forget where my blessings come from. It is a prayer that I never get high and mighty enough to forget God’s protection. It’s a prayer that I don’t ever take it for granted. And it’s a prayer that God always keep His Hand on me. Despite my shortcomings!

Week 25

Psalm 28
1Unto thee will I cry, O LORD my rock; be not silent to me: lest, if thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit.
2Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands toward thy holy oracle.
3Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbors, but mischief is in their hearts.
4Give them according to their deeds, and according to the wickedness of their endeavors: give them after the work of their hands; render to them their desert.
5Because they regard not the works of the LORD, nor the operation of his hands, he shall destroy them, and not build them up.
6Blessed be the LORD, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications.
7The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.
8The LORD is their strength, and he is the saving strength of his anointed.
9Save thy people, and bless thine inheritance: feed them also, and lift them up forever.

One thing that has always puzzled me about humanity is the extremes in our ability. We have the ability to be great and accomplish many wonderful things. On the other hand, we have the ability to destroy and tear down with seemingly no regards.

I continue to be puzzled by people who seem to take pleasure in the misfortune of other people. It’s the most bizarre thing to me. In some ways, I want to put myself in a bubble and protect myself from these people.

It’s kind of where I am out today. I realize that in me lays the potential to do good and do evil. All I can do is cry out God to help me, and He will help me.

Week 24

Psalm 121
1I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
2My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
3He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
4Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
6The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
7The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
8The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.

This has been a very interesting year. Nothing is “wrong” but nothing “feels” quite “right” either. I feel a little uneasy in my own skin. I’m not quite where I was, but I am not quite were I am going to end up. I haven’t felt this under construction in a long time. In some ways, I feel a little “lost.” Not quite sure where I belong or where I am going. I just need to look to God.

This is why I choose Psalm 121. My focus is straight ahead even if my vision is a little bit fuzzy. Life comes in seasons, and this season too shall pass in its own due time.

I sometimes get glances of myself and my reactions, and it’s not pretty. I can’t blame not feeling “comfortable” right now. This current season is trying to teach me not to react. It’s trying to teach me to always let my light shine. To remember that death and life are in the power of the tongue. To focus on what is good, pure, honest, just, etc. To remember that love will help make me make the right decision.

I am in the hardest battle I have ever had to fight. I knew why I do or react certain ways; however, it doesn’t give me license to. I can find the justification to do and say many things, but it doesn’t mean I should. I have a choice. I will keep my eyes on God, and I will choose to reach down and be a person who shows love, peace, and joy when convenient and not convenient. We all have “bad” days, but even our "bad" days can be tempered with a little focus.

My prayers continue to be a little unfocused. I ramble and come back to where I started. I don’t know many things. I do know that God is with me.

Week 23

Last week was pretty interesting. My conclusion is that God is trying to teach me not to “react” to the chaos around me. And, it’s hard. But, when it comes down to it, becoming emotionally distraught about events one cannot control or change isn’t worth it.

So, I am back to Jeremiah 1:5. I have also added Psalm 37:23-24 and Romans 8:28. I just need to remember that God has a plan for me, and it will come to pass.

Jeremiah 1:5, reads, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.”

Psalm 37:23-24, reads, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.”

Romans 8:28 reads, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

My prayers continue to be weird, but as I have said a million times, I know that God knows. Only He can quiet the storm that wants to rage in me.

This morning, I learned that my friend’s aunt passed away. I spent 2.5 weeks in South India and most of the time was spent living in Bangalore at the home of my friend’s grandmother. Her grandmother lives with her daughter (my friend’s mom) who happened to be in the U.S. when we were in India. There were two other homes in their family compound where two of her aunts lived.

It was an amazing time, and I spent a lot of time with three of the four amazing women who live in the compound. The woman who passed was so extremely intelligent. She was a historian who told us stories and tales with the hugest smile on her face. Living with them for that short time created a big place in my heart for them. She will be remembered fondly. Another mighty oak has fallen.

Week 22

Matthew 11:12 reads, “And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.”

This is one of my favorite scriptures, and my pastor used it in his sermon yesterday. It seemed appropriate to use it as my devotional today.

Since I am home, I was able to do a study on the scripture. Apparently, there are three different common views of what this scripture means. I will focus on the view that relates to me, right now.

According to the study text in my Bible, “…entering God’s Kingdom takes courage, unwavering faith, determination and endurance…” Contextually, there was growing opposition to the followers of Christ.

1 Peter 5:8 tells us, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”

Lately, the fight has been out of me, and I haven’t felt like fighting. The problem with that is that I have been in a spiritual battle since I entered into the Kingdom of Heaven. There is a war coming at me regardless of whether I engage in battle or not. So, I must fight the good fight of faith. The alternative is to sit here and die, and that is not an alternative.

My prayers have continued to be a bit muddled. The good thing about being a writer is that I can’t ever deny what I am feeling. The bad thing about being a writer is that I can’t ever deny what I am feeling. It comes out. My dreams, well, they also tell the story. So, alas, I find comfort if the fact that some issues I can only hand over to God in prayer. I can’t change anyone other than myself, and that is what I need to work on.

This has actual been a great weekend. I took Friday off so I have had a four-day weekend, which is quickly coming to a close. I will also look forward to PTO-driven, four-day weekends the Fourth of July and Labor Day.

Also, yesterday was my pastor and his wife’s 40th wedding anniversary! They are such an amazing example of a solid, stable marriage. So, happy anniversary to them!

Week 21

The women’s group at my church had a special service this past Friday. The theme of the service was “Amber Alert.” Part of the service was writing down what you wanted to give over to God. So, I wrote some things down, and I went to the altar for prayer.

One thing that struck me was that the speaker told me I was an “influencer.” This made me chuckle in my spirit because that is not a word I would use to describe myself. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized this actually may be true. I realize that God has given us light that is supposed to reach the darkest of places. When my light is on, it shines very brightly.

I’ve been realizing this week I need to begin meditating on who God tells me I am. Not who I tell myself I am. Not who anyone else tells me I am. I need to know who God tells me I am and walk in that.

Because of that, I choose Matthew 5:14-16 for my devotional. It reads, “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

I need to do a better job of keeping my light shining even when I don’t feel like it. Whatever that means.

Week 20

I received a voicemail from my mom yesterday letting me know that my dad’s mom had passed away. Of course, this makes her my grandmother. The thing is that I didn’t really know her. I met her when I was an adult once, maybe twice. We exchanged a few letters, but that was about it. If you add the time I saw here and the time I spent reading and writing letters from/to her, it probably wouldn’t add up to 24 hours.

It did get me thinking about my sister, my cousin, and my aunt. These are the people closest to me who have died. My aunt raised me since I was 16-months old, so it was more like losing my mom. My cousin was raised as my sibling so it was more like losing a brother.

I was very sad this morning thinking about this. Honey was 25. Brett was 18 or 19. My aunt was 62. These are young ages (even my aunt’s 62). The anniversary of my aunt’s death is in a few weeks and on my mind. Life is so short. Too short to waste, and too short to waste on people who in the end don’t matter.

This caused me to use Job 1:21 as my devotional. It reads, “And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Thinking on this scripture led me to think about my own mortality, which led me to Job 7:1. It reads, “Is there not an appointed time to man upon earth? are not his days also like the days of an hireling?”

Time. I have no idea of how much time I have left. This scares me sometimes. I think of all that I want to do. I think of the words that have been spoken over my life. When will this come? I quite accidently stumbled across Habakkuk 2:3. It reads, “For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.”

While I have not done any contextual study of this word, it does lead me to believe that God hasn’t forgotten His desire of me. God will, despite my own shortcomings, bring me to a place where I can achieve what He desires of me. I have some idea of what this is. There is an appointed time, and it will come to pass!