GPS System

As usual, my mind is working overtime.

My thought for today is along the lines that God is like a GPS system.

The one thing that always intrigued me about the GPS System is how it automatically adjusted directions based on where the car was going. I noticed that a GPS would say turn right in 50 meters. If for some reason, the right turn was missed (i.e. the driver wasn’t paying attention, was in the wrong lane, or got distracted) it would automatically adjust the directions from where the car was heading.

There is no loud voice that says you idiot you missed your turn. The system just calmly tells you the next set of instructions based on where you are at. The destination is the same, but the route taken has changed.

Let’s face it. During this walk we all make mistakes, take wrong turns, and flatly make other stops along the way, but God still patiently leads us to our destiny.

Speaking of destiny, I have some idea of where I am going. I just have no idea of how God plans to lead me from where I am to where I am going.

It’s a constant juggle of my desires and passions and learning to ask if they are God’s will in my life. I would like to say that because of the intensity of some of my desires they are what God would have for me, but I have to admit that some of the things I want are not good for me. They are, as my pastor would say, slippery slopes.

Passionate Kisses. Long Embraces. Searing Looks.

I want to be in love so bad!

I blame my friend Alice. She’s moving to Hong Kong, and she gave me all these trashy romance novels that I ended up actually reading. You know the ones. Passionate Kisses. Long Embraces. Searing Looks. I’m reluctant to even type all that. Ah, to be the heroine swooning in the arms of a strong, vibrant hero.

As an English major, I’m ashamed to have such poorly-written material in my house. That’s why they are neatly hidden and not on my book shelves. The horror, the horror of anyone knowing my dirty little secret.

I’m mortified to even say I went into a Half Price Books and picked up more. It was so shameful, that I didn’t risk going into my regular/favorite Half Price Book store. I have a friend who works there and would be so embarrassed of him witnessing my purchases.

Yes, I want to be in love so bad!

Of course, in reality, relationships are hard. I don’t expect happily-ever-after. I do expect to put in the work needed to keep the relationship fresh and new. I have seen too many examples where people have stopped trying or people have gotten distracted by other people.

Yes, I want to be in love, and I am ready to love. I just needed some steamy love stories to get me to admit it.

God Told Me To...

I am very aware of the fact that there are a lot of things that I want to do. I normally do them and then seek God’s blessing when I am full steam into my project or idea. I may take for granted that my steps are indeed ordered by the Lord.

I am not one of those people who say, “God told me to….” I normally brace myself when people start conversations with me with the lines “God told me to…”

I certainly believe that God does talk to His people. It’s just that most of the times when I hear this line my honest thought regarding what follows is along the lines of are you sure that God told you that?

I firmly believe that God does not tell people to do anything that is outside of His Word. At least, not the God that I know.

I think people should just be more honest. I am doing this because I want to do it. It would be more truthful. It would be more authentic. It would be more believable.

It’s hard to refute people when they bring God into things. I just think that people need to know God a little more before they place Him in the mess they create because of something they want or wanted to do.

Rhythm

I realize that I am totally off beat right now. Somewhere along the way (after my aunt’s death), I lost my rhythm. I thought I was starting to get it back, but this week is leading me to believe this is not true.

I’m not quite myself. In some ways, I am acting out. Now that I think about it, this happened after my sister’s death as well. Death isn’t an excuse or reason to lose myself. As life goes on, there will be more loss, and I need to learn to deal with it.

Words and actions can’t be taken back and I realize this and fight this impulse to make rash decisions that would be very costly in the long run.

And this too shall pass.

Letting Go

There are some things that I have held onto so tightly. Things that were so important and meant so much and the thought of a separation was unimaginable. It’s curious to me when these things that have been held so sacred one day no longer cease to matter. There is something sad in this to me.

In some ways, it makes my fascination or attachment with these things seem trivial. It’s like if I hold on tightly and don’t let go then the madness of the action, attraction, obtainment of said thing isn’t as questionable.

I noticed as I was cleaning out my place that I got rid of some items that at one point in time were so important to me and now my taste or interest or desire has lead me in another direction.

In holding so tightly (in a fist) to things that I think I want I am preventing God from placing things in my hand that I actually need.

Very Random Thoughts

All I can say is TGIF! I’m very, very, very tired, and I look forward to sleeping in one of these days. Unfortunately, it will not be tomorrow as I have a retreat for the editing team at my church.

It’s amazing how a small thing like a retreat can get one back motivated and focused on the assignment at hand. One of the most important things we do is set an editorial calendar for the year. Each issue is outlined with themes and topics.

Maybe I need to apply this to my life. Better planning and more organization. As the saying goes, when you fail to plan, you plan to fail!

And time marches on too quickly. Tomorrow is already the end of July and the year is more than half gone.

Today is one of those days that I wonder what is around the corner. Life has this way of coasting and then suddenly changing very quickly. Things like death interrupt the even flow of life. I am trying to stay present and live and enjoy today, but I can’t help wanting a sneak peak.

And reading the news is not helping. All I see is crazy headlines, and I ask Lord, what on earth is going on here? Where is this country and world headed to? It is my faith that in times like this God’s grace abounds the more.

And this question runs through my mind. How do we give people what they need when they only desire what they want?

Making Room for the New

I’m currently in the process of giving my home a very deep cleaning. When I say cleaning, it’s more like a purging. I have many clothes and items that I don’t use. It’s not only time for me to give the items to people who actually would use them but also time to make room for things that I will actually use.

A good example is my closet. I abhor dry clean only clothes. I don’t wear them because I am too cheap/lazy to dry clean them. Yes, I could hand wash them. Yes, I could stop being cheap and put dry cleaning in my budget. But, I won’t. As I cleared the clothes, I realized this will help me see more items that got drowned out in the sea of clothes. I’m going to budget a little each month to buy more. One of my Facebook friends commented that her grandmother taught her to buy an outfit each pay period. Sounds good to me! I will stop buying/accepting dry clean only items. I will also only buy jewelry that screams out at me. I don’t need a lot. Just some classic pieces I want to wear.

I went through each room and removed things I hadn’t used in the last year (or two or three or four). In my kitchen, there were honestly items I hadn’t used since I moved in ten years ago. I am sure there is someone out there who could/would use the items!

It did get hard when I came across items that were given to me as gifts. I felt bad giving those up, but I tried to look past who gave me the gift and look more to it’s time to give up items that aren’t being used.

I’m just about done. I need to go through some items stored in my closet. Once that it is done, I will look through each room one more time. Then I will take what hasn’t been claimed by my friends.