25 Random things about me:
1. My relationship with God is very important to me. I’ve been adopted into my pastor’s family and have received love, support, and stability. I can say that I am blessed and a bit spoiled.
2. I have always loved to write. It helps me sort through my feelings. Even when I want to deny a thought or feeling, my writing has a way of bringing it to the surface.
3. I have always loved to read. I really like the classics, Wuthering Heights, Pride and Prejudice, etc. because they are well written.
4. I love to travel. It has taught me a lot about myself. I am totally obsessed with going to Ireland. There is something waiting for me there. I’m prepared to fall in love.
5. I am an introvert and maybe a bit of a loner. I love spending Saturdays at home by myself. I have a routine of cleaning, doing laundry, and relaxing. One resolution for 2009 is to actually leave the house on Saturdays and interact with other people – LOL.
6. I have a very active imagination. I have to make myself be in the moment because my mind will have me on an adventure miles away.
7. I love to read books and watch movies about the Tudor period of English history. I am fascinated by Henry VIII and Elizabeth I. Actually, as I travel, I’ve developed a love for history in general.
8. I’ve been in love once. I’ve met guys since then, but I haven’t felt the connection since.
9. I’ve only had one job out of college. I’ve worked at the Port since October 1996. I went there on a two-week temp assignment that never ended.
10. I didn’t get my license until I was like 30. LOL. I now have a 2001 Toyota Corolla that I plan to have for the next twenty years. I’m like a grandma, I only drive on Sundays.
11. I have a lot of crazy dreams. It may go back to my overactive imagination.
12. I love putting water in the freezer and letting it freeze over the top and then drinking it. I do it over and over again. It’s so refreshing.
13. I think I am starting to nest. I recently redid my condo and now I’m starting to cook more. It could be bio clock ticking since I will be high-risk maternity age in a little more than a month.
14. Sometimes before I go to bed, I check under my bed and behind my shower curtain.
15. I may be addicted to Facebook.
16. I take the bus to work. I have a few bus buddies I look forward to chatting with. I change my route to work every so often because I got to keep any stalkers guessing.
17. I’ve had three half-baked, desperate marriage proposals. They all got the same answer: HELL NO!
18. I am good with names. Actually, my memory is pretty good with remembering random events of life.
19. I go through seasons of having vanilla ice-cream, bananas, and chocolate syrup for dessert nightly. I stop when my cloths start getting tight.
20 I’ve been an usher at my church for years. Many of those years I was known as the “mean usher”.
21. When grocery shopping, I like to look at items I’ll never by. I go visit the hostess cupcakes, Twinkies, cookies, etc. I just like to tease them.
22. I am very competitive. I love playing board games and watching sports.
23. I am extremely organized. It’s actually a sickness.
24. I want a nose ring. Unfortunately it doesn’t go well in corporate America.
25. Random men sometimes stop me to tell me what nice lips I have. During these moments, I want to run and hide.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
The A-list Friend
I’ve been doing my own version of Lectio Divina. I use one Psalm a day that I read and absorb. During my readings, I understand more and more that God puts way more effort into our relationship that I do. I would go so far as to say it’s one-sided. If I had a friend who ignored me and didn’t communicate with me to the extent that I do – or don’t – with God, I would probably end the relationship.
It’s lucky for me that God adores me even though I don’t deserve it.
In the Psalms, David praises the things that God will do for those who love Him, which makes me say, thank you God! However, I also notice that there are things that I am supposed to do, but I am not doing my part of the deal.
Like I want to be a tree planted by the rivers of water, but there is a caveat. Basically, I want all the rewards without putting the effort, which is probably a most human quality. I won’t allow that to be an excuse, no matter how adequate.
God has been too good for me to treat him like a B-list friend!
It’s lucky for me that God adores me even though I don’t deserve it.
In the Psalms, David praises the things that God will do for those who love Him, which makes me say, thank you God! However, I also notice that there are things that I am supposed to do, but I am not doing my part of the deal.
Like I want to be a tree planted by the rivers of water, but there is a caveat. Basically, I want all the rewards without putting the effort, which is probably a most human quality. I won’t allow that to be an excuse, no matter how adequate.
God has been too good for me to treat him like a B-list friend!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
la dolce vita
I was reading the travel notes of a member of my church who is spending two months in India. Some of her comments reminded me so much of thoughts I’ve had in the past.
She was saying how she felt like she was playing a role. This is something that I have felt over and over again during certain seasons of my life. I could go further and say that it was during these times that the belief other people had in me is what caused me to succeed.
The big question is how we move past living life as a performance. When do we move past acting out a role that is expected of us? Acting and living are too different things. This is much difference in a life that is filled with fiery passion, intent, and purpose.
I am looking for la dolce vita!
She was saying how she felt like she was playing a role. This is something that I have felt over and over again during certain seasons of my life. I could go further and say that it was during these times that the belief other people had in me is what caused me to succeed.
The big question is how we move past living life as a performance. When do we move past acting out a role that is expected of us? Acting and living are too different things. This is much difference in a life that is filled with fiery passion, intent, and purpose.
I am looking for la dolce vita!
Entitlement
I wonder where people get this deep-rooted sense of entitlement. I would like to think that I have no sense or expectation of entitlement, but I sense this is not true. Of course, I am blind to myself. Though I do see it manifest in my reactions when I don’t get my way.
It would seem that somehow or another we’ve been given this false impression that we deserve all of our heart’s desires, which is actually not bad within itself. It’s bad when your sense of entitlement causes you to infringe upon others. It’s this unsaid belief that whatever you want or need is more important than anyone else.
I am reminded of Henry VIII. For some odd reason, whatever Henry VIII wanted or thought was the will of God. It’s a miracle that he was so in tuned with God that God willed whatever he desired. Things never change because the will of God is still being used today to justify whatever we want.
I wonder what would happen if for one week, we all put the needs and comfort of others over our own!
It would seem that somehow or another we’ve been given this false impression that we deserve all of our heart’s desires, which is actually not bad within itself. It’s bad when your sense of entitlement causes you to infringe upon others. It’s this unsaid belief that whatever you want or need is more important than anyone else.
I am reminded of Henry VIII. For some odd reason, whatever Henry VIII wanted or thought was the will of God. It’s a miracle that he was so in tuned with God that God willed whatever he desired. Things never change because the will of God is still being used today to justify whatever we want.
I wonder what would happen if for one week, we all put the needs and comfort of others over our own!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
What's Important?
On Sunday, my Pastor made a statement that has stayed with me. He said, "Don't lose what you have to gain what you can't keep." Without getting into IT, my thoughts have been lingering on situations and circumstances that have no chance of sustainability. In fact, I can predict that going down the road would leave me emotionally and mentally damaged and wounded. But, oh do I like flirting with danger and living on the edge. That’s a totally different blog. LOL.
I had a conversation with my friend Meechie on Saturday. She is a woman who used to attend my church, and I have found it easy to confide and talk to her. My conversation with Meechie was along the lines of would God give you something (like a mate) that would take you two steps backward.
At work, there was a seminar that I missed but I got notes from a coworker and it was about finding your purpose and passion. I chuckled because as I was looking at the notes, they reminded me of the reading we were doing on the Purpose Driven Life in my church’s women’s group.
All signs are pointing to the same direction. Don't get distracted or derailed by things that are not healthy. Work towards your purpose and passion by getting rid of the extraneous.
The future looks extremely promising. It’s just a matter of not getting tripped over the small stuff.
I had a conversation with my friend Meechie on Saturday. She is a woman who used to attend my church, and I have found it easy to confide and talk to her. My conversation with Meechie was along the lines of would God give you something (like a mate) that would take you two steps backward.
At work, there was a seminar that I missed but I got notes from a coworker and it was about finding your purpose and passion. I chuckled because as I was looking at the notes, they reminded me of the reading we were doing on the Purpose Driven Life in my church’s women’s group.
All signs are pointing to the same direction. Don't get distracted or derailed by things that are not healthy. Work towards your purpose and passion by getting rid of the extraneous.
The future looks extremely promising. It’s just a matter of not getting tripped over the small stuff.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Questions From Yam's Blog
What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Remodeled my place, got in a car accident (while driving), and had surgery
Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any, but this year I have some goals: write more, blog more, proactively engage/develop important relationships, and leave the house on Saturdays LOL
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Deidre
Did anyone close to you die?
No
What countries did you visit?
None (sadly)
What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Travel!
What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
November 4
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Remodeling my condo
What was your biggest failure?
The car accident
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Had surgery
What was the best thing you bought?
Wood floors
Whose behavior merited celebration?
U.S. voters
Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
It’s in the vault
Where did most of your money go?
The remodel
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My mom’s visit, the remodel
What song/album will always remind you of 2008?
Everything by Lifehouse
Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? Happier
thinner or fatter? Thinner
richer or poorer? Richer
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Left the house more on Saturdays (LOL)
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Slept/Watch TV
How will you be spending New Year's?
After church, chilled at home
Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
My mom
Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes, with myself LOL
How many one night stands in this last year?
Not my style
What was your favourite TV programme?
Sex and the City (DVDs) and Seinfeld (syndicated)
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hmmm…more like disappointed
What was the best book(s) you read?
I keep re-reading The Queen’s Fool
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Spirit 105.3 online
What did you want and get?
A mom
What did you want and not get?
International travel
What were your favorite films of this year?
P.S. I Love You (well not sure when it came out but I watched it in 08)
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34, and I can’t remember
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A trip somewhere new
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Cute and comfortable
What kept you sane?
My pastor (I was on the ledge a few times)
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (yum and yummer)
What political issue stirred you the most?
The U.S. election
Who did you miss?
An old friend
Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet anyone new? I like Facebook because I re-met some folks
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Nothing has the power to shake my faith or cause me to act out unless I let it
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
I'm the man with all I've ever wanted
All the toys and playing games
I am the one who pours your coffee, corner booth each Saturday
I am your daughter's favorite teacher
I'm the leader of the band
I sit behind you in the bleachers
I am every man
I'm the coach of every winning team and still a loser in my mind
I am the soldier in the airport facing giants one more time
I am the woman shamed and haunted by the cry of unborn life
I'm every broken man, nervous child, lonely wife
...
Seems there's just so many roads to travel, it's hard to tell where they will lead
My life is scarred and my dreams unraveled
Now I'm scared to take a leap
If I could find someone to follow who knows my pain and feels the weight
The uncertainty of my tomorrow, the guilt and pain of yesterday
Remodeled my place, got in a car accident (while driving), and had surgery
Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any, but this year I have some goals: write more, blog more, proactively engage/develop important relationships, and leave the house on Saturdays LOL
Did anyone close to you give birth?
Deidre
Did anyone close to you die?
No
What countries did you visit?
None (sadly)
What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Travel!
What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
November 4
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Remodeling my condo
What was your biggest failure?
The car accident
Did you suffer illness or injury?
Had surgery
What was the best thing you bought?
Wood floors
Whose behavior merited celebration?
U.S. voters
Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
It’s in the vault
Where did most of your money go?
The remodel
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My mom’s visit, the remodel
What song/album will always remind you of 2008?
Everything by Lifehouse
Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? Happier
thinner or fatter? Thinner
richer or poorer? Richer
What do you wish you'd done more of?
Left the house more on Saturdays (LOL)
What do you wish you'd done less of?
Slept/Watch TV
How will you be spending New Year's?
After church, chilled at home
Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
My mom
Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes, with myself LOL
How many one night stands in this last year?
Not my style
What was your favourite TV programme?
Sex and the City (DVDs) and Seinfeld (syndicated)
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Hmmm…more like disappointed
What was the best book(s) you read?
I keep re-reading The Queen’s Fool
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Spirit 105.3 online
What did you want and get?
A mom
What did you want and not get?
International travel
What were your favorite films of this year?
P.S. I Love You (well not sure when it came out but I watched it in 08)
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34, and I can’t remember
What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A trip somewhere new
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Cute and comfortable
What kept you sane?
My pastor (I was on the ledge a few times)
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan (yum and yummer)
What political issue stirred you the most?
The U.S. election
Who did you miss?
An old friend
Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet anyone new? I like Facebook because I re-met some folks
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Nothing has the power to shake my faith or cause me to act out unless I let it
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
I'm the man with all I've ever wanted
All the toys and playing games
I am the one who pours your coffee, corner booth each Saturday
I am your daughter's favorite teacher
I'm the leader of the band
I sit behind you in the bleachers
I am every man
I'm the coach of every winning team and still a loser in my mind
I am the soldier in the airport facing giants one more time
I am the woman shamed and haunted by the cry of unborn life
I'm every broken man, nervous child, lonely wife
...
Seems there's just so many roads to travel, it's hard to tell where they will lead
My life is scarred and my dreams unraveled
Now I'm scared to take a leap
If I could find someone to follow who knows my pain and feels the weight
The uncertainty of my tomorrow, the guilt and pain of yesterday
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Spiritual Healing
At the end of September, I had surgery to remove fibroids. I asked my mother to come and be with me as I recovered. My mother did not raise me, and our relationship has been pretty up and down over the course of my life. I thought it would be an opportunity for us to relate as mother and daughter.
My mother not raising me had a profound impact on my life and deeply impacted my feelings of self-worth. In short, I suffered from feelings of abandonment and rejection. When I was younger, I used to have an internal dialogue about my being unlovable. My mother not wanting/loving me was the only proof that I needed. During those conversations, another voice would enter that simply said, “God loved me.”
Even though I knew God’s love was the end all, I spent years looking for love. I desperately sought this seemingly elusive word called love. My friend Billie Washington once told me that God was going to send me love. I remember her words made me cry and were pivotal. God has sent me love. “...Pressed down, and shaken together, and running over…” love. I’m loved to the point that I’m spoiled, which is okay (smile and laugh).
During the time with my mom, I discovered that my mom does love me. Her visit ended up being a wonderful family reunion. I was reunited with cousins who live in the Seattle area who I had not seen or talked to in YEARS. I was reunited with the aunt that raised me who I had not seen or talked to in YEARS. I discovered that my family does love me. It was a great experience, and my family underwent healing. I parallel the recovery I went through after surgery with the recovery that is happening within my family.
Over the course of years, I had something growing inside of me naturally that I didn’t even know was there. It was only when the growth got so uncomfortable that I couldn’t ignore the impact that it had on my life that I took action. I learned that the fibroids were located in a place where they could block conception when it was time for me to try to have a child. If I had gotten pregnant, there would have been complications because the baby would have been unable to grow properly.
In the same way, the bitterness and anger I felt towards my family was blocking the spiritual gifts God would have me birth. Both issues, natural and spiritual, needed the hands of a trained surgeon to remove what was blocking conception and hindering a safe place for a gift to grow.
What does God need to surgically remove from you? Life is too short to hold on to grudges and to hold on to past offenses. The Master Surgeon is ready to perform a surgery of miracles on you. The Church is filled with trained nurses and staff to assist with the surgery and shower you with love and attention as you recover.
My mother not raising me had a profound impact on my life and deeply impacted my feelings of self-worth. In short, I suffered from feelings of abandonment and rejection. When I was younger, I used to have an internal dialogue about my being unlovable. My mother not wanting/loving me was the only proof that I needed. During those conversations, another voice would enter that simply said, “God loved me.”
Even though I knew God’s love was the end all, I spent years looking for love. I desperately sought this seemingly elusive word called love. My friend Billie Washington once told me that God was going to send me love. I remember her words made me cry and were pivotal. God has sent me love. “...Pressed down, and shaken together, and running over…” love. I’m loved to the point that I’m spoiled, which is okay (smile and laugh).
During the time with my mom, I discovered that my mom does love me. Her visit ended up being a wonderful family reunion. I was reunited with cousins who live in the Seattle area who I had not seen or talked to in YEARS. I was reunited with the aunt that raised me who I had not seen or talked to in YEARS. I discovered that my family does love me. It was a great experience, and my family underwent healing. I parallel the recovery I went through after surgery with the recovery that is happening within my family.
Over the course of years, I had something growing inside of me naturally that I didn’t even know was there. It was only when the growth got so uncomfortable that I couldn’t ignore the impact that it had on my life that I took action. I learned that the fibroids were located in a place where they could block conception when it was time for me to try to have a child. If I had gotten pregnant, there would have been complications because the baby would have been unable to grow properly.
In the same way, the bitterness and anger I felt towards my family was blocking the spiritual gifts God would have me birth. Both issues, natural and spiritual, needed the hands of a trained surgeon to remove what was blocking conception and hindering a safe place for a gift to grow.
What does God need to surgically remove from you? Life is too short to hold on to grudges and to hold on to past offenses. The Master Surgeon is ready to perform a surgery of miracles on you. The Church is filled with trained nurses and staff to assist with the surgery and shower you with love and attention as you recover.
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